i have always had the impulse to lead; to lead in conversations, in interactions, in meetings. I used to think this was always a good thing until I realised that some of that leading was actually just me, trying to “control” everything. (i.e.: some “leadership” is actually control in disguise!) You see, control mostly comes from a place of insecurity; a point of not feeling comfortable in your world; not trusting that all will be well and is as it should be. So as a reaction to this, we (yes, me and anyone else out there who’s a “maybe-control-freak” ;- )* try to make everything and everyone go our way. (and for your information: it never ever works! shish!)
well, beloveds, over the past few months i have chosen to begin letting go of this need to control and to “lead” everything. So for example, the other day i had a meeting and usually, i tend to be the “take charge” person who confidently leads the direction of the meeting. Instead i decided that for this meeting, i was going to let myself be led. And it was wonderful really. I’ll walk you through it.
I let him greet me and introduce himself and lead the conversation. Tick.
I let him suggest we have a coffee over our meeting and i agreed. (i actually had been thinking we would just sit in his “office” but knowing that i had decided to let him lead, i said “okay”). Tick.
I let him choose if we were going to take the elevator or walk down. Tick.
I let him choose which coffeeshop. Tick.
I let him decide where we were going to sit. (usually, and especially because i know this coffeeshop quite well, i would have immediately started speaking to the waitresses to see about possible table options. I didn’t say a word. I let him lead.)
I let him choose the table and i sat.
I let him get the menus and when the waiter came to take the order, i let him speak first. (he actually ordered my coffee for me (i’d selected which one) which was all brand new to me! i don’t think i’ve ever let anyone order anything for me! Atsi. ;- )
I let him lead the meeting and conversation and ask the questions and i responded. (this was a business meeting and I was there to sell a proposal so i wasn’t being a mute, shy, flower; i was speaking and making my points, just that i wasn’t leading or trying to control at all.)
After the business part was done (we got the deal! ;- ) and the cappuccinos not yet, it then came to the “small talk” section and there beloveds, i noticed myself going back to my leading ways. I had questions lined up just so that we wouldn’t have those awkward moments of silence. (silences tend to make me so uncomfortable! Again, i want to control it all. A woman i respect a lot suggested to me, “why not just let it be. You do not have to make anything happen. Just be”. Best advice ever!) When i noticed i was going into my “control-this-mode”, i backed up and stopped it and returned to being led.
When the bill came, i let him take it, but since it was a business meeting i did inquire about paying. (me thinks where money comes in during a business meeting, its not acceptable to pull the “sweet flower who will just sit back and be pretty when the bill comes” stance. if it was a date that would be a totally different consideration… this was business.) I said “thank you” after he cleared the bill.
And when he said we would walk back up together to the “office”, i agreed and did. And said my “thank you and goodbye and “i will look forward to your email” and left.
And it felt wonderful beloveds; to finally be letting others lead too but most of all, to be relinquishing my misplaced need to control everything and trusting that all will unfold as it should. I know this was in a pretty “small” situation but this is my new attitude even for the larger, bigger situations in life. And I love this. It’s making life just so much lighter; better; calmer! Me thinks for anyone who has this impulse to control, it may be worth trying in small ways to begin experiencing what it is like to be led and to realise that things will be fine, even if we don’t control everything! What do you think?
Have a control-free day beloveds! Trust and let things unfold. Relax. Let go. Let it happen.
Love, love, m
Good to be experiencing things from another perspective.xx
yes! ;- )*
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