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Posts Tagged ‘vulnerability’

nadav kander for more magazine

Hanging out with a really cool group of people sometime back, the conversation turned towards a person whom we all know but who currently wasn’t at that meeting. As the conversation went on,  details were divulged about the kinds of relationships the person seems to attract – getting into very drama-filled partnering. It seemed everyone had some story that illuminated just how much drama this person has in their life. Gossip is juicy; stories about drama are so intriguing (soap opera appeal ?); and so I kept listening and we’d laugh and be shocked and another tale to illustrate would come up. And on  it went.

At some point, I stopped and thought about myself and about the person that we were speaking about and wondered, “what exactly drives a person to behave in such a dramatic way, where they are even willing to embarrass themselves in front of others with no care?” “What drives a person to that point of rage?” And “can i get there?”  At that point, rather theoretically, I may have said something about, “oh, shit happens” to diffuse the stories or tried to stand up a bit in defence of the person but not quite. And so the stories kept flowing and I had my share of laughs and shocked expressions.

A few days later I did something that was dramatic in a particular relationship and ended up being quite embarrassed by my behaviour. With my own unique twist, I acted exactly like the dramatic person that had been the content of the storytelling days before!

All this reminded me of one of the tenants of a class that I am taking where we are invited to always “clothe each other’s nakedness with love”. I love that statement so much. It is a reminder and an appeal that when shit hits the fan for someone, rather than gossiping and pointing fingers, we are to instead choose to clothe that person’s nakedness. The truth is that when we “do drama”, we are actually exposing ourselves quite completely. We may think that we aren’t showing anything and are masking it all so well by the outward dramatic-ness, but anyone with wisdom looking at us knows that we are exposing our own vulnerability; our own fears; our deepest hurts that we don’t know how to express or deal with in healthy ways. (Please note: Drama is never healthy. It is an unhealthy mode of operation – designed to protect us from dealing with our own issues and pain.)

Looking back on this sequence of events has left me so much more aware of how easy it is to take the judgemental road rather than the one of compassion, forgiveness and grace. Because, God knows and I know so well that being human, we fail more often than we plan to and are ever in need of grace and forgiveness. As the week continues, I pray for compassion and an increased heart to always choose to “clothe others nakedness with love” because soon, as proven, I will need that very same grace.

Love, love, m

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